| subject: | I like monkeys |
| post date: | 2008-04-06 15:44:17 |
| views: 48 comments: 1 ratings: 0 |
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I like monkeys
The pet store was selliing them for five cents apiece.
I thought this was odd since they are normally a
couple thousand apiece.
I decided not to look a gft horse in the mouth, so
bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home.
I have a big car.
I let on of them drive.
His name was Sigmund.
He was retarded.
In fact, none of them were really bright.
They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
I laughed.
They punched me in the genitals.
I stopped laughing.
When I got home, I herded them into my room.
They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch
at high speeds and slam into the wall.
Althought humorous at first, the spectacle lost its
novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were
so inexpensive
They all died.
No apparent reason.
They all just sort of dropped dead
Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five
hours later.
God
damn
cheap
monkeys.
I didn't know what to do.
There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room
on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase
It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
tried to flush one down the toilet.
It didn't work.
It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred
ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed
animals.
That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to
decompose.
It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet
and I didn't want to call a plumber.
I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing
them.
Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a
time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I also had to eat all the food in the frezer so it
didn't go bad.
I tried o burn them, but little did I know that my bed
was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead wet monkey in my toilet, two dead
frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred
ninety-seven dead charred monkeys in a pile on my bed,
and the odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the
dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.
So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.
I felt better.
I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said
the city was not allowed to dispose of charred
primates.
I told him I had a wet one.
He couldn't take it either.
I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution.
I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't quite know what to say.
They pretended to like them, but I could tell they
were lying.
Ingrates!!
So I punched them in the genitals.
God, I like monkeys!!!
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