Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.





Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6.... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in California, you can do it almost every day .
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#1.... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!






Undeniable Truths Number 1 is not more or less important than 35
1. There is a distinct singular American culture - rugged individualism and self-reliance - which made America great.
2. The vast majority of the rich in this country did not inherit their wealth; they earned it. They are the country's achievers, producers, and job creators.
3. No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity.
4. Evidence refutes liberalism.
5. There is no such thing as a New Democrat.
6. The Earth's eco-system is not fragile.
7. Character matters; leadership decends from character. 8. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.
9. Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the twentieth century.
10. The 1980s was not a decade of greed but a decade of prosperity; it was the longest period of peacetime growth in American history.
11. Abstinence prevents sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy -every time it's tried.
12. Condoms only work during the school year.
13. Poverty is not the root ("rut") cause of crime.
14. There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not.
15. If you commit a crime, you are guilty.
16. Women should not be allowed on juries where the accused is a stud.
17. The way to improve our schools is not more money, but the reintroduction of moral and spiritual values, as well as the four "R's": reading, 'riting, 'rithmatic, and Rush. 18. I am not arrogant.
19. My first 35 Undeniable Truths are still undeniably true.
20. There is a God.
21. There is something wrong when critics say the problem with America is too much religion.
22. Morality is not defined by individual choice.
23. The only way liberals win national elections is by pretending they're not liberals.
24. Feminism was established as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.
25. Follow the money. When somebody says, "It's not the money," it's always the money.
26. Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.
27. Using federal dollars as a measure, our cities have not been neglected, but poisoned with welfare dependency funds.
28. Progress is not striving for economic justice or fairness, but economic growth.
29. Liberals measure compassion by how many people are given welfare. Conservatives measure compassion by how many people no longer need it.
30. Compassion is no substitute for justice.
31. The culture war is between the winners and those who think they're losers who want to become winners. The losers think the only way they can become winners is by banding together all the losers and then empowering a leader of the losers to make things right for them.
32. The Los Angeles riots were not caused by the Rodney King verdict. The Los Angeles riots were caused by rioters.
33. You could afford your house without your government - if it weren't for your government.
34. Words mean things.
35. Too many Americans can't laugh at themselves anymore