Photography : Love taking pics which is kinda handy cos its what pays the bills, but love jsut taking random shots of anything really

Dating tips I've learned from Hollywood
1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love

Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid each other in the future. And if you ever really tried the sort of things Hollywood calls "meeting cute" - mixed-up luggage, mistaken identities, fender-benders - you wouldn't end up at a table for two, but in court.

2. If the Person Isn't Interested - Or Loses Interest - Pursue Them Twice as Hard

In Hollywood, this dedication marks you as a sensitive soul and often results in true love. In real life, of course, it marks you as a stalker and usually results in a restraining order.

3. If You're a Man, Try Pretending You're Gay - Women Will Become Instantly Intrigued.

No, not really. They may, however, quiz you on the latest Hollywood gossip, beg for ex foliating tips or ask if those tangerine capris make their butts look big. No, tell the truth. Do they, really?

4. If You're Gay, Don't Worry About Approaching That Straight Person -He/She Is Latently Gay Anyway, and Will End Up Thanking You

No, not really. They may, however, end up turning red, pouring their drink in your lap or punching you in the nose.

5. Looks Are Unimportant to Most Women, As Long as You're Funny .

A firmly cherished belief, particularly among lumpy studio executives who think they get all those dates because they're charming. Somewhat true in real life, although it should be pointed out that Woody Allen is not just funny, but very funny - and also, conveniently, rich.

6. Looks Are Unimportant to Most Men, as Long as You've Got a Good Personality

. Actually, I think even Hollywood doesn't really believe this - they know they're shallow. Which is why, although the homely guys in their movies are always played by homely guys, the plain gals are always played by really attractive women in sloppy clothes. And a polyester waitress uniform still didn't make Michelle Pfeiffer any less gorgeous.

7. Upper-class Gentlemen Are Secretly Attracted to Real, Working-Class Gals Who Show Them How to Have Fun .

Undoubtedly true if that gentleman is 103 and the real, working-class gal is Anna Nicole Smith. But, unfortunately, nothing to count on - unless you look the way Anna Nicole Smith used to and really want to date 103-year-old men.

8. Upper-class Ladies Are Secretly Attracted to Real, Working-Class Guys Who Show Them "What It Means to Be a Woman"

Possibly true for brief periods of time, particularly if it's the last night of her Jamaican getaway, and you're a tight young hardbody. But just because it worked for some doesn't mean it's going to work for you.

9. Breakups Are Inevitable But Can Usually Be Resolved by Chasing the Other Person Down the Street or Embarrassing Them at Work

Actually, that's more likely to result in another one of those restraining orders. See Lie No. 2.

10. On the Rare Chance You Really Break Up, When You Finally Part for Good - Or Meet Again Later - You'll Share a Significant, Bittersweet Moment .

Extremely doubtful, really, compared to the chance that you'll share a few flung insults, or dishes. As a highly impressionable film fan, though, there's an excellent chance you will trudge home in a foul mood, open up a pint of ale or ice cream and watch more movies - and wonder, once again, why your love life can't match them quite so neatly.

So thanks Hollywood you've once again made me realize reality sucks :)
However Hollywood has thought me some valuable lessons

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

and of course not forgetting
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Radiation cause interesting mutations--not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all police investigations. it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Most dogs are immortal.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.



A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Kitchens don't have light switches.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.